unsaddled!verse ;

SECURITY

Blood carpeted the floor and rippled with stray droplets when Sam released Bobby’s neck, letting the corpse crumple forward and hang limply from the seat. A quick wrap, body thrown into a bag and floor cleansed with a practiced and detached ease. Relief washed his nerves, promising security against Dean’s obnoxious persistence to return his used-up soul and save that broken Sam. In process, throwing him away like he’s nothing, like he wasn’t alive, too, like he didn’t even get a say in it and he calmly warmed his hands by the fire as Bobby’s remains fluttered away with the breeze.


BETRAYAL

Sam knew it. He knew it. As he pled for Dean’s help, he realized that maybe murdering Bobby did nothing, maybe that wasn’t the father figure and maybe he could die here. Desperately, and this must be fear, right? Was this fear? It had to be, because he didn’t like it, and he’d never felt it before, jerking at his bonds like an animal up for slaughter. Dean said nothing, and he knew– he knew those eyes weren’t seeing him, that concerned look was for another man entirely, and his stomach twisted with something painful. Was that fear, too?

“DEAN– please. Dean, please, listen!” The cries went ignored and he screamed bloody murder as Death pressed the soul into him, and it hurt like nothing had ever hurt before. Pain, everywhere, splitting him in two and he sobbed like a child in raspy, broken breaths. The soul suddenly shot back, and he heard Death murmur something distantly, something muffled by the ringing in his ears, and then it was Dean's turn to shout.

It didn’t take a genius.

He sneered and blinked away the burning tears, a laugh ripping from his throat. It was pained and bitter and mocking, because it worked! It worked– and Dean would never get his treasured little Sammy back. He sucked heated breaths through grit teeth and curled trembling fingers into fists.

He was alive. He won. This was his body. This was his life.

He was Sam.

He was Sam


RESENTMENT

Dean didn’t kill him. Dean couldn’t kill him.

That’s why Sam didn’t kill Dean.

They did part for a healthy stretch of time until news of Castiel’s betrayal and Lisa’s kidnapping reached Sam. He wasn’t really– worried, but it was his brother, and he didn’t like the angel who turned him into this, then ditched. Maybe, he was better off, but he wanted to be around Dean and that wasn’t a feasible option anymore. In fact, he’s sure his brother would kill him if he wasn’t wearing this face.

Temporarily, they worked together because Dean was desperate to save Lisa, and they managed. From there came some kind of truce intended to crumble the moment they dealt with Crowley and Castiel. Castiel asserted himself as God by the conclusion of this truce, and Sam fearlessly attempted to kill their new G~o~d. Castiel easily deflected and, in all his pretentious wonder, thought he might force that flimsy soul back into his shell as a punishment. It hurt like a bitch, knocked him off his feet and ached for days... but it didn’t stick.

Even God couldn’t put that damned thing back.


LEVIATHAN

The omnipotent wannabe angel eventually broke, massacred an office of innocent people and approached the boys for help, which Sam immediately refused. That is, until Dean shot him a nasty look and somehow roped him into Team Fools Wankfest 2.0. Thus, their great friend Castiel released a new monster upon the world and vanished as he always does. Needless to say, Sam was entirely unaffected.

The truce splintered until they realized they, uh, were the most wanted men in America. Reluctantly, they traveled together and worked toward destroying the head of the leviathan. On the way, they crossed an oblivious Castiel who inevitably helped them defeat Dick Roman, and got sucked into Purgatory. With his brother.


PURGATORY

Months later, Sam grew to be a grand leviathan torturer, and results were good. They pointed to his brother’s location, Purgatory, and that was just fascinating. Now, how to get there required some sacrifices, including one human life and several supernatural beings, ingredients galore, and ta-dah. Portal a la mode.

And Purgatory? Was great, actually. But, if he knew his brother, this – wasn’t the place for him, because he needed sleep, and that already fragile sense of self… Well, he needed to find him. Along the way, he made friends and enemies, both of which often died by his hand without a second thought. Time was difficult to distinguish in Purgatory, but he’d estimate two weeks passed before he first caught whiff of Dean.

When he found him, Dean immediately started in on him, went directly for the kill, and he reciprocated the intensity. Well, that was a huge change. Before, he hesitated to so much as lift a hand to Sammy’s precious face. After the usual tests, he convinced Dean of his being, well, the not-Sam he knew, and then he met Benny. From there, they went on a hunt for Castiel, who they found yet again playing martyr.


THE TESTS

Fortunately, only Sam, Dean and Benny made it back to the human world, and they parted ways. Dean asked after Kevin, and Sam casually explained, not quite as worried about their advanced placement student as his brother expected him to be. The kid left a message on one of the phones, yeah, but he was kind of busy at the time– you know, saving Dean. Which he didn’t seem to appreciate very much.

Finally reunited with Kevin, they learned of the tests, and Sam wasn’t quite as excited by the prospect. He actually enjoyed slaying monsters, and if they shut the Gates, wouldn’t that mean, like, fewer cases? During this time, they also meet their grandpa and discovered their great legacy, which gives them something of a homebase. By the time they receive information on the first test, Dean’s ready to throw his life on the table, and, wow, Sam didn’t need a soul or to understand feelings to sense the heaviness in his brother. The guy was practically committing suicide. He wasn't strong enough.

And so, Sam did it instead. Easily, he tore apart that Hellhound while Dean howled in protest, argued he’d find another hound, and Sam could only scoff. And told him–

Dean, you’re going to get yourself killed. Maybe you don’t give a shit about me, but you’re the only thing I have. I can’t feel what I –he used to… That doesn’t mean I want to lose my brother. So, you’re either gonna grow the fuck up and help me finish these tests, or sit this one out. I will bust your knees if you force me. No soul, remember?

He was actually preparing to withdraw his gun when Dean – agreed. Well, he didn’t expect that. At all. And so begun a strange peace between the two based around insults, threats, and stale memories.

quotes & visuals;

( there's noone to listen so you laugh by yourself )

headcanon;

identity

Sometimes, Sam tries unreasonably hard to be Sam Winchester based on memory. Usually, he’s shot down, generally by Dean. Other days, he deliberately does things Sam Winchester would never do.

faith & castiel

Faith is a foreign (and childish) concept to a man without a soul.

This affects Sam’s treatment of angels and deeply alters his relationship with Castiel. Afterall, that awe is gone. And with it, the frequent justifications he would make for the creatures that represented something greater and beautiful. No, there was no justification for Castiel’s self righteous actions that splintered his soul and even less forgiveness could be granted when his heaven-sent hero left him alone. Even when he prayed, looking for an answer, guidance, something other than complete loss of everything that seemed familiar.

Castiel abandoned him, and Sam… Well, Sam just doesn’t like him. With the recent events, he’s especially, uh, anti-Cas, and he owns an angel blade, so thank your lucky stars for Dean’s protection.

"feeling"

Sam may not inherently understand social convention, morality, and emotion, but that doesn’t mean he’s a hollow bundle of reactions. There are things we mistake for “emotion” which can be experienced by even a man without a soul. For instance, impatience, emptiness, isolation, ambition, humor, ego/self-importance/humiliation, preferences, pleasure, and the avoidance of pain (which expresses itself similarly to fear). Many of these can be explained purely as a function of a living organism, which could be why they exist independent of so-called emotions and the soul.

While Sam may not feel anger or fear or sorrow, he does dislike things that cause pain and damage of the ego. While he may not feel happiness or love, things that create pleasure are protected and encouraged. While he does not feel, period, he remembers many things that used to make him feel some particular way, and he likes those memories that caused pleasure and dislikes those that caused pain.

In many ways, these memories explain his attachment to Dean who, for all intents and purposes, should be someone he dislikes. This can be confusing to him, but he still likes this normally unlikable thing.

jukebox;

one

two

three

permission & ooc;

1.   The canon divergent, DEFAULT verse is outlined on this page, but I'm open to canon soulless!Sam for those fearing a world where he triumphs.

2.   Sam is promiscuous. Just – don’t expect a relationship out of it, eheh. Or if that somehow does happen, don’t expect it to be exclusive. TLDR; he's a manwhore living in the moment 24/7.

3.    Normally, I’m stricter on Wincest, but soulless!Sam isn’t vulnerable to the pressures of society. So it could easily occur. It's honestly the only ship that's liable to last longer than one night since he?? actually?? ? does value Dean for some reason? Idk, he's still trying to figure it out, too.

4.    Really, he won't reject a solid lay unless he suspects danger. Sam's open-minded to any gender or sex, and even species? -- Yep, sure, if it gets his engine revving, then he's not one to judge. Of course, he ain't no simpleton so seducing him on the job is a dumbshit move. Work before play.

5.    I'll pin trigger warnings as needed, but I may miss one occasionally. Consider who soulless!Sam is, and you’ll understand his existence as a whole may be a trigger to some people. If he ever becomes too much, simply PM the mun! I have no triggers, so write to your filthy heart's content.

6.    Violence such as kicking, headbutting, snipping that tender Achilles tendon? GO AHEAD
 
7.   Mind-reading is certainly allowed, but expect fairly simplistic and direct thoughts. Very rarely does he hunker down into his brainpan to overthink.

8.    Sexy-touching is welcome, but please bring plot as well. This motherfucker doesn't need much more than a waggling brow to jump in bed, sob.